100 Days in Silence
A decade of retreats, a century of silence: what I learnt
Over the last decade, I kept going back to meditation retreats ten days here, ten days there until I’d passed 100 days in silence. No phone, no talking, just breath and body. It didn’t make me holy. It made me honest.
I used to live in all-or-nothing. Football was my first altar. I threw everything at it. When it didn’t give me back the future I’d built in my head, I slid into depression. If I wasn’t that, I was nothing. That’s the trap.
Vipassana handed me one clean blade: everything arises and passes. Sensations, thoughts, pride, panic. You don’t have to like it. You just have to see it, and not flinch. That single truth cracked my binary thinking and opened my life up again enough that I could wander into triathlon and Strength & Conditioning without feeling like I’d “failed” at my first love.
Here’s what stuck.
Lesson 1: Feelings aren’t orders
On the cushion: pins-and-needles, heat, boredom.
In sport: lactic, headwind, a bad day.
Both are signals, not commands. When I learned to label a sensation instead of obey it tight chest, hot quads, urge to stop it moved. Always does.
Triathlon map: when the swim goes feral or the run bites, I don’t negotiate with doom. One long exhale, hold my line, let the wave pass. It does.
Lesson 2: Impermanence is a pace plan
Pain peaks, fades. Highs do too. That means I don’t have to catastrophise lows or chase highs. I can race in windows this hill, this minute, this buoy to that buoy. Do the window well. Reset. Repeat.
Result: fewer blow-ups, more even days.
Lesson 3: Acceptance isn’t quitting
Acceptance is contact with reality: this is what’s here. From there, act.
Injury? Modify or stop.
Honest fatigue? Back off 3–5% and finish clean.
Race discomfort? Breathe, tidy posture, carry on.
It’s precision, not passivity.
Lesson 4: Identity down, behaviours up
I used to need to be the footballer. Heavy costume. Now I care about doing the thing showing up, training well, recovering well, being useful to others. Triathlon and S&C suit that: multiple levers, long runway, fewer cliffs.
Lesson 5: Calm makes you fast
Silence trained my nervous system. Long exhale, relaxed face, soft grip. When the body is loud, I make the chassis quiet. That’s free economy especially in the last third when most people fight themselves.
Three small practices that changed everything
Name it (not judge it): “pressure in chest,” “buzzing calves.” Story drops, options appear.
Breathe longer out than in: 4 in / 6–8 out for 10 breaths. State changes fast.
Choose one lever: cadence, posture, or breath. Change one thing, wait a minute, reassess.
Want to calm your mind?
If you want to calm your mind, book a meditation session to explore the mental blocks behind the all-or-nothing swings. We’ll use simple Vipassana-style drills (breath, body scan, equanimity under stress) you can apply in training, racing, and life.
Book a meditation session → 20-min consult + first session (in-person London or online).
Everything is impermanent. That used to scare me. Now it’s the reason I can keep moving sport to sport, season to season without breaking myself on the way.
Be Happy 😊